Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bread & Women

Baking Bread & Women.

Two very complex things of which, in large part, man is still trying to figure out. The variations are endless. You think you might be on the right track...but you're not. You think this might be the one...but you mess it up. You think, for some odd and insane reason, you think...that you are beginning to understand...oh but how wrong you are! Even after listening to all the experts and following all the directions somehow, SOMEHOW, you still can't get the final product you're looking for.

Bread & Women.

The outside has no bearing on what lies within. Don't judge it...there's no way to tell the texture, flavor, warmth or any variation therein by looking. Gentleman (and some ladies), for that
there's only one way...get your hands dirty...experience. You may experience the hardest, most rough crust on the outside, but on the's all soft. Some have that hard crust and stay hard to the core, while others are soft all the way through. Am I talking about bread or women??? Who knows? What I do know for sure is that an outstanding bread, and especially a good woman can be completely out of this world. You all know what I'm talking about...that warm and wonderful feeling you get inside when you find one. It can change your world buddy.

While I can say that in large part, women, as most men could say, are still a bit of an anomaly to me. However I've recently acquired a book which has made the complex task of creating 'good' homemade bread quite easy. The book is called "My Bread" by Jim Lahey. It describes his revolutionary new technique which involves simply mixing the ingredients together and letting them sit in a bowl to do their magic for 12-18 hours. Then the product is finished off in the oven in a cast-iron pot. The yield is something truly wonderful.

Maybe this guy should figure out women guess is he'd win the Nobel Peace Prize for that one;)


Lauren said...

Oh Garrett, you are a funny dude... Another entertaining blog, as always! I've got a recipe to send ya - be on the lookout.

Subuhi A. said...

Thats quite the analogy. It's definitely an interesting way to look at both bread and women. Though it was hard to tell when you were talking about bread and when you were talking about women. :P
Thanks for continuing to make my day with your awesome blog posts.
Hope to see more soon!

Muus said...

Garrett... what a funny blog... thanks for making me laugh so early in the morning... :)

Now... I can only understand too good, that men find it hard, to "read" women, geeez I AM a woman and I sometimes can't read myself... lol..

As for bread, I love baking, it's in the family, my dad, uncle and granducle all being bakers and pastry chefs, I love to try out new things... so I guess... understanding bread is a lot easier than understanding women (and certain men) :)

Keep up the good work...

ps. the bread looks super yummie :)

Nicole said...

I love homemade bread!

MzzzVeee said...

Love the blog, love the comparisons,hope u find the perfect loaf some day!!!!!!!!

PS I would love the recipe for that bread, easy is good for me!

Isa said...

Hi Garrett!
Nice blog, really funny.
That bread looks great!
Can you give us the recipe?

Anonymous said...

What the hell? I don't even know where to go with this one.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm this may not sound very nice but you might want to stop talking about peoples "crusts" in the grocery store and tweeting about how disgusted you are at them. That's totally the most un-attractive thing I've heard from a dude in a while. Seriously.

Mark Gale said...

Hey Garrett: I've had a couple people here at the office tell me this was pretty funny. I'm still waiting for the recipe.

Anonymous said...

Hey Garrett, Mark made me think of a good question- When you wrote that blog was it your intention to be humorous or were you serious? I can't tell.

MzzzVeee said...

Was ANONYMOUS serious about not talking about peoples crusts ? I hope not, or he/she is the one that sounds un-attractive because they obviously dont have a sense of humor...mmmmmmm bet they are hard and crusty ALL THE WAY THROUGH?

Anonymous said...

Cooking is an art, isn't it?... Oh well, you know what I mean. Only an authentic foodie and a gifted chef fully appreciate your words.
PS Have you ever heard that your mood affects the final product? You should watch "Like Water for Chocolate"... I'm sure you'll enjoy it!


only problem is, you can't put women in the oven. or can youu.....

Garrett said...

Glad y'all like this one!

It is an interesting honestly just came to me somehow when I sat down to write about baking this bread...weird.

Yeah MzzzVeee I hope I find the perfect loaf someday too...I'm very confident I will:)

When I wrote it I was simply making the comparison...if you found it funny that is a plus.

I guess we can't please everyone...

Cooking is definitely an art...I'm working very hard to learn that art. can't put women in the oven!!!

J said...

Deep and funny and that the same time! It was interesting...I have to say the comparsion of bread and women is a intriguing and beguiling. Can you compare men and jewelry...some are a great piece to compliment and accent an outfit, some grow on you over time, and some are just plain costume jewelry you throw out afte one outing! Yeah, its refreshing and humorous and the crust part made me laugh. Keep writing and cooking...this has been a highlight today!

LisieMern said...

On a more spiritual side, my pastor has the following poem framed in her office. I think the sentiment holds for bread or women (or men for that matter.)

Be gentle when you touch bread
Let it not lie uncared for
Taken for granted
Or unwanted
There is such beauty in bread
Beauty of sun and soil
Beauty of patience and toil
Winds and rains have carressed it
God has blessed it
Be gentle when you touch bread

Teresa said...

Ah, Garrett,
Sigh... Don't know how to tell you this, but... if you want the best bread you must allow for a slow rise. Yes, bread and women have much in common. I've been a sourdough bread baker for over 20 years. My starter is one of my most treasured belongings. Every day it is fed and nurtured & its needs (temperature, water without chemicals, no bleached or bromated flour) must be met in order for it to be its best. I know the book of which you wrote in your blog. I've tried its recipes. They are passable, but they do not match the bread that is produced by a well-nurtured starter whose flavor deepens and grows more unique over time. A good starter, like a good woman, will lead to a long, happy, sustaining, nurturing, and productive relationship. I'll send some of my starter to you. Keep baking. Kneading bread is a wonderful way to meditate.

Donna Binkholder said...

Wow!!! What I have missed???!! I come back here to your blogs after a day of work and a stressful day only to laugh so hard I about had tears and milk streaming down my lie want that recipe

I do think you are looking at that analogy right...That's like a bullet hitting the ten ring...soooo accurate....As far as what you were talking about...I say both you can look at it from both angles and it all adds up the same either way in my book....

Love the blog!!!! Keep writing it's always good!!! :)

O btw sorry I have been MIA in the blog reading I am still here reading em I promise....

Garrett said...

I'm not sure if you can compare men and jewelry...if you find a good comparison I'd love to hear it!

I like the poem...thanks:)

Your sourdough sounds absolutely delicious...I'd love to try it. I've only recently learned about 'starters'. Please tell me more!!!

Donna. It's great to hear you got so entertainment from the blog. Thanks for the continued follow...

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